Jobless.

Tomorrow marks the first week I've been home.  I am

jobless.  

Which wouldn't be so bad except that looking into the future all I can see is the looming piles of DEBT that I've accrued from my time at school.  

I want to start up a website where I can begin compiling all of my writing-- reviewing local art, profiling local artists, advertising interesting upcoming shows.  In a perfect world I'd set that up and then get one of the local newspapers to give me tiny bit of space.  A link up.....print news and the world wide web.  A little taste of what I'm doing landing on people's doorsteps with the opportunity to experience more if anyone felt so inclined.  "Read my column! Like it?! Check out my website!"

That is my little dream right now.  But I keep getting this nagging feeling that I should be WAITRESSING. Or churning out lattes. Or doing something to start putting dollars in my bank account.  

As to not drown in debt.  I'd be okay with just keeping my head above water.  I don't need a yacht or anything.  Just a buoy. 

Okay.  Lame oceanic analogies aside.  I am in a conundrum.  Getting a job serving lobster to eager tourists would make me some of the money that I need, but my life would have to revolve around that work.  My writing and creative aspirations would inevitably take a back seat to the realities of schlepping seafood and cocktails....the time and energy spent dealing with harassing customers and intense restaurant managers and dramatic coworkers.  

Just thinking about it makes me feel so defeated.  Why did I even get a degree if I'm not using it?!  If the only employment I can find is working in a business where high school diplomas aren't even mandatory-- why am I $60,000 in debt?!

I know I'll probably just get over it.  Suck up my pride.  Hand out the lobsters.  But part of me is fighting it all the way. 

A battle between my sense and my sensibility.  The victor is yet to be determined.